My Experience with Killer Bees

Anyway it was the strangest thing today... I went to Home Depot with my dad to get some bee catcher thingies right? You know what those are.. those little yellow cones people hang on trees and gets rid of the bees. Well, anyway we asked where we could find them and the lady told us "isle 6."So we go down Isle six and I was amazed at what I saw. From the floor to the ceiling was this huge yellow container. It was filled with people from top to bottom all crawing inside trying to get out. There was this Huge Jellow Jacket guarding it hanging upsidedown from the ceiling. The wings were occasionally buzzing making this tremendous sound! I'd try to sound it out for you but words just can't do it justice. So anyway back to my day. I now knew what it was I was born to do... TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM KILLER BEES ! I quickly ran down the pesticide isle and grabed some raid! RAID!! I ran back and had my dad lift me up on a forklift within the bees vacinity.... I took all the cans I could and started spraying. That didnt work to well. For one- the bee didn't even notice, my eyes started burning and I couldnt breathe... stupid cans were making a cloud of poisen gas right infront of my face! So anyway to make a long story short. I tied four cans of lighter fluid onto a propane gas tank from a bbqer and I fit them with saw blades from Isle 10. I used a pressured fire extinguisher to project the cans into the side of the bee. I then took a bottle of DW40 and a lighter (both from the home improvement isle) and sprayed the pack that was stuck into the now extreemly aggrivated yellow jacket... I no sooner sprayed the oil then I lit it with the match making my lubricant a flaming torch which instantly ignited the propain tank and raid bottles stuck into the beez side... A huge explosion spelled out the end of the terror created by the reign of the KILLER BEE!! And now the world is a safer place thanks to me and my dad and Bob Vila.Hope this letter made your life more interesting...

Autumn Shorts

“Ginger, would you look at that.” Lighting strikes- air expands, thunder growls. Brilliant flashes, intense heat, tongues of flames lick the wind stirring up the breeze. Explosions between cascading envelopes of silence signal: the Lion has awaken.

Glassless reflections multiply the color. Vibrant green melts to yellows orange and drips red. Air above the waters spark with a hidden energy. Soft ripples form where a graceful maple leaf finished its journey, its maiden voyage from a land not far away, but distant in time. This- this is Cindy’s favorite time of year; autumn, when she drinks in the beauty of God’s creation with every heartbeat- holding her breath, trying to capture the essence of every passing moment like fireflies in a jar. No one can hold their breath forever, and so autumn passes- handing over the baton to Winter’s cold, allowing the frost and snow to paint the landscape a new color. Only for a season though, for as new breath brings fresh air to the lungs- so autumn will return.

Admiral Potsworth Parts 1 & 2

No! I don’t believe it! I won’t believe it! Admiral Potsworth tried unsuccessfully to rip a page out from a book when the tape it was held in with gave way. A ruby red laser beam pierced the now free-falling sheet of paper as a ring of fire lit the paper and burned it from the inside out. I refuse to buy into anything that stupid. Only a moron would put a pinch of arsenic in a soufflé soul of catfish. A moron, yes, or an assassin. That’s what you are aren’t you? You’re not a last minute replacement chef from City Alpha 5… The general’s eyebrow raised as his deep brown eye scouted the ‘chefs’ face looking for a reason to blow a hole for a new mouth in his forehead. You’re a moron. Admit it. Go on, don’t be bashful, admit it. You’re a moron. Now say it. – Look, it’s not that hard. Just open your mouth and say ‘I’m a moron’ like that. Now you try. I… Alright, alright, you found me out. I’m a moron. Now can I finish cooking your meal with out any further interruptions- please? Yes, yes of course, by all means continue. As the admiral turned to leave the room the chef turned, grabbed a knife on the table and twisted back around, stabbing the knife deep into the back of Admiral Potsworth before he realized what was happening. Now who’s the moron?

PART 2 Of Admiral Potsworth

You’re the moron I told you. Can’t you get anything right? The Admiral was not the least bit shook by the knifing but seemed to take it all in stride, apparently used to being stabbed from years of front-line combat experience. The startled chef, taken offence by the rude comment made by his foe, retracted the knife and began slashing away at this heroic war veteran. No, no I’m not the moron. Don’t you see that by my killing you, I would have succeeded at my mission, proving that I am not a moron by defeating you, a high ranking admiral? As the cuts got deeper, limbs of Admiral Potsworth began to fall to the ground followed by growing pools of green ooze. Yes, you’re still the moron. Don’t YOU see? I’m an alien robot only pretending to be Admiral Potsworth. The real admiral is watching this on a TV screen miles from here in the safety of command post. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Is that so? Well then I may have lost the battle but I have not lost the war! As we speak a bomb placed by one of my associates is about to go off, killing your ‘safe’ admiral. Still think I am a moron do you? Only if your associates name was James Cockran? Maybe. He was captured just under an hour ago when he tried to pass as a security officer’s mother to get into our maximum security post station. Darn, that was my idea. He’s going to hate me. He’s not going to hate you because he lost at RO-SHAM-BO, he’s going to hate you because it was a stupid idea. I know, I know, it was stupid- you don’t have to rub it in. Because you’re a MORON! Wait! I’m not, and I can prove it. Within a second, a bright flash of light took the chef away as he was instantly teleported in front of the real Admiral Potsworth. With the skill of 20 years of being a professional ‘chef’, he threw the knife right between the eyes of the admiral. Now who’s the moron? You are. Called out a voice from nowhere as the body of the admiral faded into oblivion. You take these holographic training missions too personally private Goodman. You’ll never make a good assassin. You can’t even distinguish between reality and a simulator. And you can’t cook. Face it, you’re just a moron.

Inside of Love

Here I am with you. Ah, look at my nervous smile. My mind has been with you, never left you since the last time I was with you. I want to always be with you, I want to walk where you walk. I want to see who you see, hear what you hear, share what you have. I want to complement you wherever you go and I want to compliment you wherever you go. Your an angel, before my eyes. I am lifted when I am with you, up to where you came from. Yet there is a wall between us... an invisible wall because your love is with someone else. I try to reach over, I reach in the mist that surrounds you- I can not hold on to you. The harder I try the more I realize I can never get close to you. You dance around, so gracefully, then you fly like a dove away... where have you gone? Why can't I come with you? Will you write to me? My heart waits, I wait, for you to speak to me again. Why do I feel this way? Why can't I let go, I need to be with you. Please come back. Grace me with your life, share your dreams with me. I want you to be my better half. I rise to wait, and I will never rest until I hear from you once more...